Volume VII, No. 4 Summer 2001
Ready to Fly: The Transition from High School to College
For many teens, senior year in high school is a cross between a rollercoaster ride and an endurance test-SAT, ACT and AP exams plus college applications and demanding schoolwork, then the grueling wait for college acceptance and financial aid decisions.
Finally, when the worrying and wondering are over, seniors find themselves for a few more months poised, sometimes uneasily, at the edge of an exciting and challenging new life. Family therapists Julie Terraciano and Elsa Rosenberg, from the Coalition's Issues and Choices Committee, recently talked to nine high school seniors, juniors and sophomores about this big transition-how it's going for some, and what others expect it to be like.
What has the last semester in high school been like for you?
For the past month or two I've been ready to move on. At the beginning of the year, I didn't think I was, but senior year changes things. You're the oldest. You feel like you're ready for college, but you still have to deal with all the high school rules.
Mentally, I've totally checked out of school. I go to classes, but I spend a lot of my time hanging out. I don't really do homework anymore, and teachers don't assign much. I'm not really learning anything at school, but I still have to be there.
When did you first start thinking about college?
I didn't start thinking about college until the beginning of senior year. My mom, on the other hand, has been talking to me about going to Stanford ever since I was a freshman.
My school has a college information night in junior year, but it's mostly for parents. The first time I started thinking about college was when people told me to start thinking about it.
At my school you don't get to see your grades, and that helps you keep your mind off college. But it finally hits you when you're a junior and you see the senior class ahead of you applying. Then you meet with your college counselor, who tells you where you might be able to get in. Then there's the college trip to the East Coast.
I'm a junior, but I'm already thinking about how I'm going to pay for college. It's definitely on my mind.
How do you feel when you're waiting to hear from colleges?
Every phone call, every conversation on the street is about what colleges you applied to and which ones you've heard from.
My parents talk about it constantly, and it's the first question you get asked by anybody else's parent.
At school, everyone has to know where you were accepted or rejected. There's way too much chatter about it and invasion of privacy.
People think about college so much that it's anticlimactic when the letters come. There's a lot of bad feeling involved with the whole process. A lot of kids have a dream about where they want to go. If their dream comes true, it's great, but if it doesn't, there is so much disappointment.
Some kids are seriously upset when they get bad news. At my school, one guy kicked out the door of our English class, and a girl started sobbing. Part of the problem is that schools have different decision dates, so there's actually a three-month time span when people are finding out about their options. That's a long time to wait and wonder. If everybody found out on the same day, it would be much easier.
I think college acceptances are extremely arbitrary in a lot of ways. There are so many kids who are qualified that it's like winning a raffle. Things don't always happen, and it's important to understand that for the rest of your life.
The college process is scary for so many kids, and it leads straight to conformity. For example, why didn't I consider City College? It's got world-class teachers, a lot of student-teacher interaction, and you can save $100,000. I didn't consider it because nobody else at my school did, and people would laugh.
How do you expect your life to change when you go to college?
I'll have a lot more independence. In high school, everyone's so deep into everyone else's life. Everyone wants to know what you're doing, when you're doing it, and who you're doing it with. I'm looking forward to seeing what it's like to be really out on my own.
I guess I'm looking forward to making new friends. I like the friends I have now, but they're all going in different directions. I feel I'm really ready to move on, that I've outgrown the school and space I live in. But I can foresee a lot of nostalgia for the life I have now.
I'm looking forward to taking classes that I'm interested in. I'm excited about having teachers who are really expert and passionate about their subjects.
In college, you're responsible for your own learning. Wherever you go, you'll get out of it what you put into it.
Now that I'm 18 and going to college, I don't need my parents' advice. Now I'm applying for my motorcycle license. My parents are really against it, but it doesn't matter.
How can parents help during this transition?
My parents told me they would support me wherever I go. They never pressured me.
My mom could have been a little more realistic and upfront about money in the beginning. She expected me to get a 100% scholarship. I didn't, and now it's a letdown that I may not be able to go to the school I want to.
Parents need to be upfront about the financial situation, even if it's difficult. At first, when my parents told me that they couldn't afford to send me to certain schools, I was so upset that I stormed out of the house. But now I'm glad they told me. It's so much better to be realistic.
If we do get rejected, just leave it alone. Don't make it a huge deal.
Superconfidence in your child can be bad. So can pessimism. Parents need to take the middle path, and they should ignore what other parents and friends are saying. Sit down and have a very honest talk about what your kid is looking for in college, and what you can afford. There's so much dreaming and beating about the bush, and so much room for disappointment.
How do your think your family will change once you leave?
I'm the youngest of four kids, and when I leave, I can't imagine whatmy parents will do. My mom won't have anyone to cook for. It will be real different around the house.
I have a really cute four-year-old sister, and leaving her will not be fun. I feel like she won't have a complete family anymore.
My dad's a single parent, and I'm an only child. It's just me and him When I leave home, I'm not leaving behind a family, I'm splitting it down the middle. It's hard for me to deal with that. I know that I have to move on some time, but I can't imagine being in his shoes and being alone.
I'm an only child, too-it's just me and my mom. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to go to the movies with me. She's never done that before. She feels like she really has to get to know me, but I'm not that interested in spending so much time with her.
My parents are actually pretty jolly about me leaving. They have a positive attitude-they're even talking about where they might want to move. Of course they love me, but they're ready for the change.
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